A long time ago in internet years I was almost called ugly online. It started off simple enough, I wrote what I thought was a funny comment on the Buzzfeed Australia Facebook fan page in response to a quiz. It was a quiz on which “The Bachelor” man I would end up with. The quiz paired me with Richie Strahan which I know would never work because I’m not a blonde model and I say many words. I can use big words on good days too, so it would never work between us. He’s an action man who says few words and I am a couch potato who says many. I’d like to think my vocabulary is a bigger deal breaker for Richie than the fact that I don’t look like a model but that’s really wishful thinking. I’m sure Richie is a smart man, he chose the single mum in the end after all.

Someone replied to my comment, he said “take what you can get love”, more stinging was the coupe of likes it received, those “likes” were, in my mind a confirmation that I truly must be unattractive. I’m not going to lie, my feelings were hurt. I’m no beauty queen, it’s not a title I would ever win, but, my thoughts are that I am decidedly average and perfectly okay with that. So, unlike a smart person who would simply let the comment go, I decided to try my hand at replying to a mean comment. I tried not to say anything about his looks, his wealth, his race, religion or his intelligence. These are things about a person I won’t mention when insulting them (after first being insulted)  because I like to think I’m a grown up and I’m better than that. Somehow, I still had plenty of material to work with.

I actually made fun of myself, I tried to reply in a way that was both witty and that didn’t directly insult him but got the job done nonetheless. It received many more likes than the person’s reply to my comment did. For me, this validated that I wasn’t alone in thinking I am funny. More importantly, it showed that I am capable of using my words effectively and that I don’t need to degrade someone in order to get my message across, even after being insulted so publicly about my looks.  This is a message I want to teach my son, that denigrating other people based on things they cannot control is not okay. Someone’s looks are not something a person can control. Unless I opted to have unnecessary cosmetic procedures, the most I can do is use makeup and go to the beautician to enhance the meagre looks nature gave me. I want my son to know that he should use his words wisely. He should use them to help people, to say things that are funny but not mean.

I want my child to be aware that he can be witty  and fight back using  his words without acting like the lowest common denominator. It is possible to use words and convey your meaning without being mean. I intend to teach my son that through my own actions. I sometimes think about what a hard time I had in high school because of people’s words. I dreaded each day of high school because I was one of the few asian kids in my year, and that meant I was a target for racist kids in a small town. I have yet to build a defence mechanism against people’s cruelty towards me, so the best I can do are my words. I try to never be cruel towards others, but I find a sharp retort to be acceptable.

It is normal to be angry and upset when someone insults us, but use your words wisely, reply in a humorous  way, or an intelligent way, or in a any way that isn’t mean. Use your words to show that person you are better than them. Not because you are smarter, or funnier, more wealthy, or more attractive than them but because you don’t need to act like an asshole in order to get revenge.